Normal

Most people that know me know I often consider the word "normal" a four letter word. Yeah, yeah, I know it's six letters.

After the last couple weeks, I'm craving normal. Now more than ever! I'm happy to say that school is over and I have a break for many months. My husband is healing pretty well, although still battling considerable pain with the new knee, but BETTER! Things are looking more and more like we are going to experience some "normal" for a few months and I'm so excited about it.

My weight loss journey has stalled. I think much of it has been due to being outside my home for more than 12 hours per day at obligations (school and work) making it impossible for me to workout. I know, everyone says they don't have time to work out. I honestly haven't had the time. But, that all changes now.

So, here we go. Woohoo!!! Tomorrow is my meeting and this week is going to be fantastic!!

Week 48 - Weigh In

Ok, this is crap! I gained .2 pounds, mmhmm, POINT TWO POUNDS. I'm fed up with this yo-yo action and have to kick it into high gear. This is crazy! Honestly, my week wasn't bad.

I'm fairly certain I know what is going on, it's a combination of a few things.  I am pretty sure I'm retaining some water this week. But mainly, my activity has decreased. I know lack of time shouldn't be an excuse, but honestly, since this term of school started in January, my time has been extremely limited. Work all day five days per week, school four nights per week, my days outside the house don't end until 10pm and then I have to hit the books until after midnight. It's been extremely challenging to find a spot to get a workout in. I attempted to set myself up with a goal of using a personal trainer, doing weights several times a week, etc. and because I wasn't able to do it just as I planned (five days per week), I've let the all or nothing attitude get to me.  I need to remind myself that even 10 minutes of doing something is SOMETHING. One day doing it is more than zero. . .so this week I am not setting the huge goals of "I'm going to put seven hours in on the treadmill over the week!" No, all I am going to say is I will get some activity, I will vow to do SOMETHING. 

This upcoming week is slightly more complicated (understatement of the year) because my husband has his second knee replacement this Wednesday. Fortunately, since we did this recently (first one was done on February 2nd) I know what to expect and I can plan accordingly.

I went to the store and purchased plenty of fresh fruit and healthy snacks to take with me to the hospital. I refuse to seek out a vending machine at 3am for a KitKat just because I can.

So, it's onward and upward (well downward, oh whatever). Thus rut is one I desperately need to get out of and I think some form of activity is the answer.

There is light at the end of the tunnel for my schedule. I graduate on May 7th and will be out of school until January when I will hopefully (I have to apply and be accepted) start nursing school!

Quick Stats:
This week's weigh in +0.2lbs
Total Lost - 53.6lbs

Fat girls aren't the only one's fighting back

Last night I was watching the TLC show Hoarders: Buried Alive and one of the stories they were telling was of an individual who had built a wall of clothing. The wall building wasn't purposeful (or perhaps it was) but it was certainly symbolic of her struggle. She put up walls. She attempted to fill painful places with a hoard of clothing, so much so that she built her own prison within her home. She couldn't use certain rooms. She couldn't enjoy life. She was stuck in her self-induced prison of clothing walls and clutter which now filled every free space available.

Sound familiar?

It certainly does for me. As much as she buries herself in clothing and material items - as a food addict I'm prone to bury myself in food. We pack it away, don't we? Just as she has packed in the maximum amount of things in her home - I've packed in Reese's cups, Kit Kats, Wendy's, McDonald's, Chips and Fries.  Oh yes, the hoarder and I are not much different.

I respect the struggle of her journey to de-clutter - she is fighting back! While she works on de-hoarding her home, I'm de-hoarding my body! It's difficult to change these behaviors, isn't it? Like the hoarder, my disorder started very early on in life and it has been my comfort, it has been "what I do."  For years, I justified it in my head. So tricky, we are - to justify these behaviors to ourselves and others. Often, we believe our own excuses and for a moment, we think others believe them too.

The hoarder's hoard is shocking and visible when people visit her home. However, she can keep hers tucked away privately. I wear my hoard with me, everywhere I go.

It is such an empowering and wonderful feeling to be gaining control of this self-destructive behavior. I know it will be a struggle for the rest of my life but I also know there will be fantastic days filled with life experiences I couldn't have if I wasn't actively "de-hoarding."

The point is, I honestly believe most people have something they do that is their "vice." Some, more than others. We all battle our own demons, don't we? Some may be material items, food, sex, drugs, alcohol, anger - you name it, human beings can fill voids with nearly ANYTHING.  We try to cover our weaknesses in different ways but we all have them.  We really aren't that different.

Week 47 - Weigh In

I'm a bit late giving my weigh in from Sunday. Truth be told, we decided to go on a small family outing to The Florida Aquarium, so I ran into my meeting long enough to get weighed and then we were on the road to Tampa. Once we got back home I had to run to the grocery store, treat my dogs for a flea problem they have developed during our dry season and then get kids ready for bed/school the next day.

Honestly, I was a bit disappointed with my results on Sunday. I saw a loss, so that was good, but it was 0.6lbs. I know, a loss is a loss is a loss. And any loss is always better than gain. I get that, I do. But, I worked hard last week, watching everything I ate, sharing my tracker on here each day. Giving up Diet Coke. I really expected to see a really great loss. So seeing only a 0.6 on the scale was a bit lackluster.

It's ok, moving forward, glad the scale went in the right direction and I'll just keep on, keeping on. :)

This weeks loss: 0.6lbs
Total loss: 53.8lbs

And they had vacuum cleaner hoses coming out of their noses. . .

For those that follow me on my Facebook page and Twitter, you know I had a bit of a surprise last night when my 10 year old son informed me that he had a pencil eraser cap (from a mechanical pencil) stuck high up in his left nostril. He said he did it when trying to be funny waking up his sister that morning. I'm not sure why it took him 12 hours to inform us that this little bobble was stuck in his booger-maker, but he did. So, off he and I went to pick up my mom and head to the ER. Yes, I am a 33-year-old mom of three but my age and maternal experience doesn't matter - any ER trip usually requires a trip to pick up my mom.

Katz Extractor

Off we went to the ER at one of the local children's hospitals. A parade of sick children and worried parents walked through those doors. I was thankful our visit was due to something so insignificant (and kind of funny). It's not all that unusual for kids to put things up their noses and in their ears, so I wasn't too concerned. The worst part for him was having the Katz Extractor put up his nose. It was extremely uncomfortable and painful but he dealt with it like a trooper. He did nickname it the "torture device" and said he certainly learned his lesson to not put things up his nose. Unfortunately, the Katz didn't pull anything out, so off to x-ray we went only to also be told, the pencil top was not anywhere between his sinuses and his rectum and it must have fallen out of his nose earlier in the day without him noticing.

The good news is, he is no worse for the wear.

Due to the excitement, I didn't get to do my Day 6 - Week of Accountability. I think the trackers may have been getting a little boring to look at, anyway. So, I'll just write about my day.

I did well on plan and even went out to lunch with my co-workers. We visited a small local restaurant called Urban Hibachi.

Edamame

We enjoyed some fresh steamed edamame. I'm not sure what it is about the little pods but I think I could be addicted! Anytime I order it out, I really enjoy it and I'm not sure why I haven't tried to cook it at home. And with a cup only being 2 ppvs, I think it's a snack I'm going to try to incorporate! I really like food that makes you work for it. I know, sucking the beans out of the pods isn't really work, but it does consume a bit of time to get three beans vs. shoveling them in your mouth with a fork. I may try to create a "work for it" menu this week and see what happens.

Shrimp Hibachi

I was proud of myself for ordering water with my meal rather than Diet Coke. I even special ordered my Shrimp Hibachi without butter and oil and I only ate half of the brown rice. It was so delicious.

I was mostly satisfied the rest of the afternoon. I did enjoy some crackers with laughing cow and of course, my orange.

California Sunkist navel oranges are in the stores, and even though I live in Florida, I'm partial to California oranges. Consequently, my servings of fruit lately have been a couple oranges per day. They are just so sweet and juicy - it's such a nice treat! I know, I know, why am I raving about oranges? Well, before I started Weight Watchers I absolutely hated eating oranges. It was something I NEVER did. I didn't like peeling the orange. I didn't like the texture of an orange. The entire experience of eating one was just daunting and I hated it. Since then, like with a lot of other foods (*whispers* brown rice, whole wheat pasta, carrots) my tastes have changed. I enjoy these foods and my orange is like a special, sinless treat that I look forward to in the mornings with breakfast and in the afternoon for snacks. Unfortunately, the Sunkist navels aren't around all year, so I try to really cash in when they are.

Friday nights are typically a "family fun" kind of night. We usually order out for two reasons - it's the end of the week so my pantry is somewhat depleted and it's just a special Friday night kind of thing to do where I get a break from cooking. It's a one per week and sometimes every other week occurrence and I usually try to keep myself within some form of boundaries while still having something I don't normally have during the week. Last night it was Chinese take out. Yes, I seemed to have an Asian themed kind of eating day. LOL

While I still used a mess of points on the meal (points I had from dailies and dipping into weeklies - so it was completely "on plan") I still made better choices than I would have made in my "previous life." My favorite thing on the menu is the garlic honey chicken. Unfortunately, this is essentially batter dipped, fried, smothered in honey and garlic - chicken nuggets. I did NOT order it. Rather, I ordered a shrimp fried rice (shrimp because it was the lower point option), a veggie egg roll and I had a couple of my daughter's favorite crab Rangoons. Again, not the greatest of meals health-wise, but within my points and extremely enjoyable. It's WORTH IT to do these things a few times per month with my family. Some weeks my selections are far healthier, some weeks they are worse - and that's ok. It's moderation and I'm thankful to have the opportunity to pass that little life lesson on to my kids.

One slip up I did have is on the way home from the hospital with my son's nose ordeal I did run through a Burger King drive-thru for a Diet Coke. However, I don't anticipate having another for a while and I had gone seven days without one. That is a HUGE improvement over the six or seven I used to drink on a daily basis.

I'm excited for tomorrow's weigh in. Today we are doing some light eating, will have a light dinner and perhaps a popcorn snack this evening with movies.


I love weekends!

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Do you change up your weekend eating a bit from your daily, during the week eating? Are there any foods you eat now that you never would have eaten or even liked before you started on this journey to be healthy?

The Fat Label Society

For years I've held in my memory labels and words that have been assigned to me by society. Some date back to the playground at five years old. Others are from even more recent years. Some may have come from tabloids I saw while waiting for my grocery order to be rung up, others in movies or in simple casual conversations.

Ugly, gross, huge, whale, fatso, disgusting, hideous, grotesque, stupid, loser, awful, blubber, fat ass, jolly, lazy, dumb

You get the idea. You can find these and many more on school playgrounds, in work places, in the monologues by late night tv hosts, magazines, comments to news articles on online publications, social media sites - they are EVERYWHERE! 

I've lived with these labels stamped on my body. I've allowed them to clutter my mind and drive the need to compulsively eat. I've allowed them to control me.

But with all the damage these labels did they still are not enough motivation for me to lose weight. Not a single one of those words holds enough power to keep me on plan. Even the sum of the lot doesn't provide enough motivation to lose 230lbs. Why? Because there is only one word strong enough to provide the motivation needed to lose this weight, one word . . .

ME