Sunday, July 31, 2011

Week 64 - Weigh In

I really haven't been MIA, although it's been two weeks since I posted. My family just went through a major change - we moved! It was a quick move, somewhat sudden, and was certainly bittersweet due to the circumstances behind it - but it is absolutely for the best and we are very thankful for the many blessings we have.

We moved all last weekend and by Sunday morning, while I had the best of intentions to go to my meeting, my body hurt like I had been run over by a truck. So, I missed my meeting. This morning however, I was up before 6:30, arrived at my meeting before 7:30 and was ready to jump on that scale!

Granted it's been two weeks since a weigh in but my loss was 5.6lbs! Yes! Woohoo! I made it through a stressful move and still lost weight! I've nearly caught back up to where I was when I fell off the wagon, HARD. Only about four more pounds to go until I start seeing new numbers on the scale. I'm so excited!

This week we are stocked up on fresh fruits and veggies. I'm getting ready to go prepare lunches for tomorrow. It's going to be a fantastic week!

How have all of you been?

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Week 62 - Weigh In

It was a tough week but I stayed the course with my food choices and tracking. I lost 1.6lbs. No loss is too small when the goal is avoiding a gain.

This one is short and sweet today. But, finally, a loss! So, I'll repeat all I did last week, this week and look forward to seeing the scale again next week.

Thanks for sticking with me, friends. :)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Another one down

I did it. Another day on track with good choices. I can check this one off as a success and am planning on how to make tomorrow equally successful. With diligence and planning, I can do this, I can keep it under control.

Truth be told, I actually had 9 unused points plus values at the end of the night tonight. I don't feel hungry, so I'm going to go ahead and just let them sit there, untouched. This left over balance is not reflected of deprivation but of really good choices. For really successful days (and perhaps the not so successful days) I am going to list what I ate, as I'm hoping it will be something I can look back on for the days when I'm struggling more to bring myself back on track.

Today my foods were pretty great.
Breakfast (6ppv)
Thomas Bagel Thin (3ppv) and a Laughing Cow Garlic and Herb Wedge (1ppv) with a Boiled Egg (2ppv)

Lunch (3ppv)
2oz Boar's Head Hickory Smoked Chicken Breast (1ppv), Steam Fresh Baby Brussels Sprouts (0ppv), Watermelon (0ppv), Breakstones 2% Live and Active Cottage Cheese (2ppv)

Snacks During the Day (8ppv)
Orange (0ppv)
Low Fat, Light Yogurt - Wild Berry (3ppv)
Weight Watchers Natural String Cheese (1ppv)
Vitamuffin Deep Chocolate (2ppv)
Boiled Egg (2ppv) (I don't normally eat this many eggs, 1 for breakfast 1 for snack but I had quite a few to use)

Dinner (20ppv)
Spaghetti and Meat Sauce (11ppv), Cheddar Biscuit (5ppv), Green Beans (0ppv), Very small piece of cake with pineapple and cool whip (4ppv)

Evening snack
Sweet and Salty Bar (5ppv)

Also, I'm trying very hard to not make this blog about my mom's cancer. I can't promise there won't be posts about it as it is a major part of my life and greatly affecting every aspect. However, the purpose of this blog is my weight loss journey and I don't want to stray too far from that topic. Granted, everything that is going on does influence how much of a struggle this journey is, so from time to time I may have to just let some of those feelings out here. However, I also understand how sensitive a topic that may be for many of my readers and I recognize that while I'm seeking hope in helping my mother fight cancer - the perception may not always be of hope and I certainly don't want to cause anyone heartache.

However, if you are interested in following that journey, I invite you to visit the blog I have created specifically about breast cancer. I didn't feel it to be fair to share all that information on Fat Girl Fights Back - as I know your interest and the purpose of this blog is weight loss.

So, if you would like to follow that aspect, which is equally, if not more, personal than this blog, please feel free to do so.

Link: Boobs in a Vise  (Please know it will be extremely rare, if ever, that I update this blog with a blog post from there)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A small revelation and a little flexibility

On nights like tonight, I appreciate flexibility. When I got home from work I just felt drained. After receiving the call earlier today from my mom saying her biopsy results showed cancer in her right breast (making her diagnosis bilateral breast cancer) I've been fighting back tears. Once I walked in the door, I let them all out.  Needless to say, it's been an emotional day and the last thing I really wanted to do was cook dinner. We also had to run an errand, so I decided we would all just pile in the minivan and stop for something somewhere.

I knew I did not want fast food. Fortunately, the children and my husband all wanted to go to a restaurant and have someone tend to us. So, off we went, on the drive that seemed endless. First, we tried the rule out trick. My kids did not want Mexican, nor did I really. My husband did not want seafood. I really didn't want the big box Italian type restaurants (Olive Garden). My husband suggested Ruby Tuesday's but that didn't seem appealing to me. We have stopped going to TGIFridays, since the only seasoning they seem to know how to use is salt. We considered Macaroni Grill, but that didn't sound all that great to me. Pei Wei was on the list but then I decided I really didn't want that. It seemed every restaurant we mentioned, I ruled out.

Let me cut to the chase. We live in Orlando where we have just about every restaurant imaginable. None really sounded great. I realized in the car as to why. I was seeking comfort in food but in a round about manner. No matter what was mentioned, none of them were going to fill the void I'm feeling right now. My heart hurts. Food will not make it feel better.

My daughter finally said she really wanted to go to Mimi's Cafe. So, that's where we ended up. I really wasn't wanting broiled fish or broiled chicken tonight  and I remember my Weight Watcher's leader telling us, "Eat what you love. Don't eat things you don't like." Well, tonight, I didn't LIKE broiled salmon. So, I selected a pasta dish from the petite menu. I can honestly say this was the first time I have EVER ordered from the "small plate" menu but I'm so, so glad I did.

The portion was plenty. The point values were plenty. However, I had eaten light all day long. I had plenty of points to spend and I did. I was outside of my comfort zone as all our indecisiveness made it impossible to truly plan my meal before I left the house (which I normally do when we are going out to dinner). But it all turned out just fine. I only used 4 of my weekly points plus allowance, which is great. I even had a very small amount of dessert (about three bites) and walked out feeling comfortable. Not stuffed. Not uncomfortable. I didn't binge. I ate NORMAL.

I recognized my emotional eating urges and while I still ate a meal I wouldn't normally eat - it was all within the plan and I didn't overeat. I say that's a victory, tonight.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Week 61 - Weigh In

I started today off right. I met a couple friends at the gym and we worked out for 30 minutes prior to our Weight Watchers meeting. It felt good to be back there, it's been a few weeks. I did notice I was more sluggish today. I think the combination of crap foods in, lack of sleep and the 7.2lb weight gain may have all played a part. But, it feels good to sweat and feel that soreness again.

It was also really great to be back at my meeting. This week is going to be a good week for the scale. I'm going to hit the gym and track my foods. As soon as I log off the blog I'm going to plan everything and then spend some time in the kitchen preparing food for the week.

The 7.2lb weight gain was actually less than I thought it would be, so that was a good surprise. I don't want to "officially" start over because I want to continue to build on the 44lbs already lost but because so much of weight loss is a mind game - I'm going to play one purposefully.

For this "restart" I'm going to consider today's weight as my starting weight. It's not a backslide. I'm not "up 7.2" - no, I'm starting this week at 332lbs. I really think that will help my motivation to get back to where I was seven weeks ago.  Everything is behind me and there is no reason to dwell on it.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

It's time to just fight back

The weekend is now here. The damage that I've done is behind me. I have to just tell myself that whatever I did the last few days is just that - the last few days. It doesn't have to be today. It doesn't have to be tomorrow. I am in control and I can call the shots on what choices I make at this moment, in a few hours, tomorrow, and so on.

I realize that now would be the absolute worst time to throw in the towel and give up. Now is the time when I need my meetings, I need my support, I NEED to weigh in, - more than ever before. I need the structure of my program. I need to track my meals. I need to plan what I will put in my mouth so it's just routine - while nothing else around me is so routine.

Thank you for your prayers, well wishes, words of encouragement, stories of success, kicks in the behind. . .I need all of that!  I'm amazed at how many people reach out to complete strangers on the internet. I'm amazed at how many people haven't given up on me when I've gone through a few weeks of appearing to have given up on myself. Thank you so much.

So, with that said, now is the time that the title of my blog is truer than ever. It's time to FIGHT BACK!  I must use every ounce I have to fight my own addiction while helping my mother fight breast cancer. We both WILL succeed.

Last night, I took the reigns and I decided I will walk (perhaps run part of) the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in October. I've created a team, Blisters for Becky (if anyone in the Orlando area would like to join my team, please do!). The timing is perfect, as yesterday we were 100 days out from the race. 100 days.  I've started fundraising (and have already received some donations). It's not the time to take all of this laying down - no - it's time to FIGHT!

So in the morning, I will be at the gym. I am going to start training and push myself to at least run part of this 5k. I'm going to run for my mom. I'm going to run for me. At 8am I will be at my meeting. I need my friends so much right now and I need to keep myself in a state of food wellness. So, this is it. This is the plan. 99 days to go, folks. 99 days to go.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Out of Control

I'm not even sure how to begin this post. I've typed out several sentences and nearly worn my backspace key out. It's hanging off my keyboard, all the type rubbed off. . .ok, so it's not really but it could be. The fact it isn't - is a testament to HP. . .

I'm going through an emotional situation. Wow, that sounds so cold and is like the understatement of the year. My heart hurts, badly. I think that sounds slightly more fitting. I feel lost. I feel sad. I'm angry. But, I'm hopeful.

Two days ago my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. It's difficult for me to write about because I do not want any words of my feelings or anything that I share to hurt her heart anymore than it's already hurting from receiving such a diagnosis. This isn't gloom and doom. We know she will fight and we know she will be well again - we HAVE to believe that. But, that doesn't change the fact that her life is about to flip complete upside down with surgeries, possible radiation, possible chemotherapy . . . it's going to be rough! (to say the very least)

As a food addict, my first response, of course, has been to comfort myself with food. Even after being in a healthy lifestyle for over a year, my first reaction was to run and get a dozen doughnuts. I didn't eat them alone, but I had my fair share.  After her biopsy today, it was fried food and chocolate cake. I know I've now spiraled out of control because I'm now facing a situation that is COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

I have to control what I can, which means, I have to, I absolutely have to, get back on track. I cannot allow this addiction to take full hold of me again, in the time that I am most vulnerable. I will not be of any help to my mother if I gain back 50lbs (and more).

If I could have made it to a meeting today, I would have gone. Fortunately, I do have my Weight Watcher's meeting friends in a group on Facebook and I've posted about my binging. They will hold me accountable for attending my meeting and I will be there.

I need to be on plan more now than ever. I know this. So, with every ounce of energy I have, I will control what I can in this situation - my lifestyle, my disease, my addiction and in turn, I will be there for my mom.

When the world starts caving in around you - hold on to the things that can be the same. THIS can be the same.

By the way, the consumption of doughnuts and chocolate cake did not make my mother's cancer go away nor did it make me feel any better. If anything, it made my stomach hurt (crap food tends to do that now that my body is used to good foods) and I had a nice helping of guilt to boot. No more of that crap. Moving on.

Sometimes these posts are self-talk. Sometimes it helps if I put it out there in words as if I type it - it sticks?