Saturday, April 9, 2011

Fat girls aren't the only one's fighting back

Last night I was watching the TLC show Hoarders: Buried Alive and one of the stories they were telling was of an individual who had built a wall of clothing. The wall building wasn't purposeful (or perhaps it was) but it was certainly symbolic of her struggle. She put up walls. She attempted to fill painful places with a hoard of clothing, so much so that she built her own prison within her home. She couldn't use certain rooms. She couldn't enjoy life. She was stuck in her self-induced prison of clothing walls and clutter which now filled every free space available.

Sound familiar?

It certainly does for me. As much as she buries herself in clothing and material items - as a food addict I'm prone to bury myself in food. We pack it away, don't we? Just as she has packed in the maximum amount of things in her home - I've packed in Reese's cups, Kit Kats, Wendy's, McDonald's, Chips and Fries.  Oh yes, the hoarder and I are not much different.

I respect the struggle of her journey to de-clutter - she is fighting back! While she works on de-hoarding her home, I'm de-hoarding my body! It's difficult to change these behaviors, isn't it? Like the hoarder, my disorder started very early on in life and it has been my comfort, it has been "what I do."  For years, I justified it in my head. So tricky, we are - to justify these behaviors to ourselves and others. Often, we believe our own excuses and for a moment, we think others believe them too.

The hoarder's hoard is shocking and visible when people visit her home. However, she can keep hers tucked away privately. I wear my hoard with me, everywhere I go.

It is such an empowering and wonderful feeling to be gaining control of this self-destructive behavior. I know it will be a struggle for the rest of my life but I also know there will be fantastic days filled with life experiences I couldn't have if I wasn't actively "de-hoarding."

The point is, I honestly believe most people have something they do that is their "vice." Some, more than others. We all battle our own demons, don't we? Some may be material items, food, sex, drugs, alcohol, anger - you name it, human beings can fill voids with nearly ANYTHING.  We try to cover our weaknesses in different ways but we all have them.  We really aren't that different.


  1. Wow..great post. I have never though of myself as hoarder of food before. I guess it really doesn't matter where you store it. Inside your body or's still hoarding.

    Thanks for this!

  2. Awesome post! In not hording food I have experienced my change to hording other things but mostly hording my expressions of love, my feelings, my compassion, my thoughts: letting go of the food opened up the doors to other demons that I needed to put to rest so I could recovery not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well.