Coffee Talk with Grandma

My grandma in 1974 at my parents' wedding.

I've written about my grandmother before, she was a major influence in my life. I'm thankful for that. She helped make me the person I've become.  Today she would have been 98.

My grandmother baked. She cooked but the thing she really enjoyed was baking. I still wear on my body and am currently trying to shed, the numerous homemade butterscotch pies, apple cakes, chocolate cakes and cookies she made before I got home from school. She lived with us from the time I was six years old until she fell ill in the 90's. She was always there when I got off the bus and walked in the door crying about the words some mean-spirited child taunted me with that day. She would take me to the kitchen table and we would talk about it as we dunked cookies in coffee. I never drank the coffee but I so loved how that sweet cookie tasted soaked in that warm, creamy coffee. I always felt better after those talks. Little did I know that it wasn't the cookies that made me feel better. It was her. :)

Unfortunately, it took me a long time to realize that when we associate the comfort we felt as children with foods that were given to us for physical and emotional boo-boos - it wasn't the food that truly comforted, but the company that we kept.

Happy birthday, grandma. I would give just about anything to sit down at the table (my children sit on the same chairs after school that I sat) and go through all my worries. This time we could skip the sweets and head straight for the coffee. Or heck, perhaps we could get in to "the other" aka booze! LOL

Week 78 - Weigh In

This week I nailed it. I need to do this every single week. I planned. I measured. I weighed. I tracked. I moved. I drank my water. It was a great, great week.

The scale rewarded me for my efforts with a seven pound loss!! Seven pounds! Yes!!!  I haven't seen a 7lb loss since late July and it felt so good to see that kind of movement. I feel motivated again. I know what I need to do and I'm going to keep at it.

Now if I can just start writing about a few more things than updates and come backs. My blog fills in for motivation when my self motivation wavers. I need to use that and keep pushing through.

It's not the end of the world

The need for my lifestyle change has just been placed at an even more heightened level. Earlier this week I received the diagnosis of Type II Diabetes. I can't say it came as a shock. It did feel like a bit of a slap in the face for all the work I've put in over the last year and a half only to now be diagnosed with the disease, but that's really not the right way to look at it.

Perhaps my changes bought me a little while longer without diabetes? Who's to say that I wouldn't have received this diagnosis last year, if I hadn't made the changes. Who's to say the diabetes wouldn't be more out of control than it is, if I hadn't made the changes I've made. My A1C was a 6.1. Normal is 5.7. I've heard of others who have had A1C's in the 7's. My fasting blood sugars are in the 120's. They could be far worse. Without the changes I've already made, the transition to a diabetic diet could be that much more challenging.

So, I'm trying to look at the bright side of this very crappy, life-long illness. It forces me to be even more accountable. I mean, really, now not only am I battling a weight issue, I'm battling a disease. One that can be extremely serious if left unchecked. One that can result in blindness, amputations, comas, heart attacks and well, death.

My doctor did explain to me that my diabetes is not completely linked to my weight. While my weight didn't help my risks, diabetes runs in my family. I have had three pregnancies, all of which I was insulin dependent from gestational diabetes. That alone increases my chances of receiving this diagnosis by 50% five years after pregnancy. My first son was born over 10 years ago. So, I did stretch out my life without diabetes for a few years passed what was predicted.

So, now I get really serious. Fortunately, I've had a really great week. The Weight Watcher's plan is easily followed in conjunction with a diabetic diet. I'm on a medication to assist, which holds some promise in also making my weight loss a bit easier; as it will help the insulin resistance that it appears I'm dealing with. All and all, this isn't the end of the world and may just be the kick in the ass I needed to remain vigilant with my new life.

Tomorrow is weigh in and I already know the scale is moving. I just can't wait to see the loss recorded!

Welcome Home!

Welcome home. That is what today was as I walked back into my meeting room. My last weigh in was on August 14th - 11 weeks have passed since that last meeting and my last weigh in. The scale showed no mercy.

In the course of 11 weeks I gained 20.6lbs. There is no way to candy coat that (pun intended) - that's really how I got to this point anyway right? Candy. Cake. Ice cream. Potato chips and more. All jokes aside, there is no excuse for that kind of gain. Certainly, with all that has been taking place, there is reason, but it doesn't excuse the self-destructive behavior.

Honestly, I knew what I had to face. I wish I had done so sooner, as the number on the scale would have been far better. I know this. But the dread, each week, of seeing the gain prevented me from doing the very thing that was going to stop the gaining cycle. Going home.

But, that is now behind me. I have crossed the line and I've taken the first step. I faced the scale, I survived and now I move forward. I am excited to see what the numbers look like next week. I'm re-committed. I'm doing all the things I know worked for me and I know I can do it. I just have to.


Isn't that what it boils down to? Just doing it? Nike may have been on to something with their "Just Do It" marketing campaign.
Are you struggling? Have you been "off plan" for a little while? What is keeping you from returning to the healthy lifestyle? Just do it! You won't be sorry.

And this is how it starts

You know, the weight gain. The back to what used to be "normal." The pounds piling back on as old bad habits return - like having ice cream, regularly. Eating cookies and candy, regularly. Counting points? What's that? I still have a few healthy choices on my plate, I'm ok, right?

Yep, this is how the "undo-ing" begins. Typically, this is when all goes out the window. The Weight Watcher's membership gets cancelled. The reasoning of "I'm still less than I was when I started WW so I'm still ok" comes into play. Then the excuses come in only this time, I'm getting tough with myself. Over the last year and a half I've learned answers to these and I now can kick that devil off my shoulder. Hell no, you aren't getting back in!!!

"I'm stressed, I need that chocolate bar." (Exercise is the best stress-buster there is - get out there and walk it off!)

"I've ONLY gained back 10lbs. . .I'm still in the 'range.'" (Yeah, what range? The range to keep on gaining?)

"I have too much going on. I don't have time." (You're right, gain all that weight back and you won't have time. ANY time - you'll be dead!)

STOP! FREEZE! PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND DROP THE DAMN CUPCAKE, ELIZABETH!!!!

The good news, I haven't cancelled my membership. I've recognized the issue (which is far better than weight loss attempts in the past). I have "only" gained 14lbs, which I KNOW I can take off in a matter of a few weeks IF and only IF I commit myself to doing this. I didn't give up. I haven't stopped. This is still the same journey. This isn't attempt #325409345093409509132845. . .no, this is still attempt #325409345093409509132844 - the same attempt and I'm simply in a valley.

So, yet again you hear me say, I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off and I'm moving forward. I am NOT a quitter and I will not stop.

This morning I woke up and took a 1 1/2 mile walk with my dog. It was great to clear my head and breath in the cool air. Time to increase the activity, make the right food choices and next week, GET BACK TO MY MEETINGS!