Week 80 - Weigh In (Thanksgiving Week)

I'm a little late posting about my weigh in this Sunday. Life's roller coaster just continues to jerk us around turns with major ups and downs. Not that I thought our life could get more complicated, but surprise, surprise . . . it can!

But, enough about that. My weigh in this week was great. I lost 2.4lbs. I'm now only 8lbs away from being where I was when I received my mom's cancer diagnosis. Only 8lbs to go! So, if all goes well, I will have a net loss for the year. I'll be thrilled if I can be less in January 2012 than I was in January 2011. I'll be happy if i can be the same as I was in January 2011. And, I'll settle for being only a couple pounds heavier. The point is, no matter what that first weigh in shows in January of 2012, I'm far better today than I was over a year and a half ago when I changed my life. I am healthier. I weigh less. I am happier. I feel better. For the most part I am capable of making good choices and my food addiction is under control.

Over the next six weeks, I would like to lose at least 3lbs which would make me weighing less than I did at the start of this year. I believe I can do far better than a 3lb loss. Certainly, I would have loved to have seen a loss of over 50lbs (avg of 1lb per week) for this year. However, this year has been an extraordinary one. If I maintained the first 50lbs lost. . .that gives me hope that once I am at my goal weight, I will be capable of maintaining it.

This week I am thankful for so many things. i'm thankful for my family. They are the most amazing people I know. I'm thankful for my children, which are never ending sources of joy in my life. I'm thankful for the scientists who work in medical research. They make it possible for my husband to remain active, after suffering from JRA since he was 12. The drugs are harsh (a chemotherapy drug) but they give him life. I'm thankful for the doctors and nurses that saved my mother's life this year. While she is still battling through chemotherapy due to Stage IV breast cancer, she is alive. I'm thankful for my husband's family, who are an extended family of my own.

There is a special place in my heart though for the individuals that attend my Weight Watcher's meetings and read my blog. The support system in place that we have for each other is second to none. I love these friends. We laugh, we cry, we battle similar problems and we walk together fighting something that has plagued many of us for years. We are doing this, we are winning, and we share our journey, together.

So, for all my Weight Watcher's meeting buddies and readers. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have done for me. I could not be doing this without you. I need each and every one of you and I feel privileged to be needed by all of you.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Week 78 - Weigh In

This week I nailed it. I need to do this every single week. I planned. I measured. I weighed. I tracked. I moved. I drank my water. It was a great, great week.

The scale rewarded me for my efforts with a seven pound loss!! Seven pounds! Yes!!!  I haven't seen a 7lb loss since late July and it felt so good to see that kind of movement. I feel motivated again. I know what I need to do and I'm going to keep at it.

Now if I can just start writing about a few more things than updates and come backs. My blog fills in for motivation when my self motivation wavers. I need to use that and keep pushing through.

It's not the end of the world

The need for my lifestyle change has just been placed at an even more heightened level. Earlier this week I received the diagnosis of Type II Diabetes. I can't say it came as a shock. It did feel like a bit of a slap in the face for all the work I've put in over the last year and a half only to now be diagnosed with the disease, but that's really not the right way to look at it.

Perhaps my changes bought me a little while longer without diabetes? Who's to say that I wouldn't have received this diagnosis last year, if I hadn't made the changes. Who's to say the diabetes wouldn't be more out of control than it is, if I hadn't made the changes I've made. My A1C was a 6.1. Normal is 5.7. I've heard of others who have had A1C's in the 7's. My fasting blood sugars are in the 120's. They could be far worse. Without the changes I've already made, the transition to a diabetic diet could be that much more challenging.

So, I'm trying to look at the bright side of this very crappy, life-long illness. It forces me to be even more accountable. I mean, really, now not only am I battling a weight issue, I'm battling a disease. One that can be extremely serious if left unchecked. One that can result in blindness, amputations, comas, heart attacks and well, death.

My doctor did explain to me that my diabetes is not completely linked to my weight. While my weight didn't help my risks, diabetes runs in my family. I have had three pregnancies, all of which I was insulin dependent from gestational diabetes. That alone increases my chances of receiving this diagnosis by 50% five years after pregnancy. My first son was born over 10 years ago. So, I did stretch out my life without diabetes for a few years passed what was predicted.

So, now I get really serious. Fortunately, I've had a really great week. The Weight Watcher's plan is easily followed in conjunction with a diabetic diet. I'm on a medication to assist, which holds some promise in also making my weight loss a bit easier; as it will help the insulin resistance that it appears I'm dealing with. All and all, this isn't the end of the world and may just be the kick in the ass I needed to remain vigilant with my new life.

Tomorrow is weigh in and I already know the scale is moving. I just can't wait to see the loss recorded!

Week 66 - Weigh In

I'm on a roll! Weigh in was another loss again this week. 1.6 more pounds and it pushed me into new territory. Yes! My weight is now 319.4. It's the first time I've been under 320 in YEARS! I was so happy to get to move my weight tracker on the blog.

This week I plan to just keep doing what I'm doing. It's going to be a tough one as my mother has surgery this Friday. But, I can do this. I can make it through all this stress and not gain weight (ultimately keep losing). I CAN and I WILL!

I will be writing more in the very near future. But, at least I'm updating with my weigh-ins and holding myself accountable for what the scale says. . .fortunately, we are still moving in the right direction!

Update, yeah that is a catchy title

I has been crazy busy. The move, mom's cancer, preparing the kids to go back to school, but I'm hanging tough. My weigh in on Sunday was great, I lost 3.8 pounds.

I am getting ready to take on another hurdle, I'm going to quit smoking. I've quit a few times only to fall back into it months later, but this time is it. I'm quitting for good. September 1st will be my official quit date and it will be tough, but great.

There are so many reasons to do this now, the three most important are the ones I gave birth to in 2001, 2006 and 2008. I pray they never hear the words, "your mother has cancer."  Not that smoking caused my mother's breast cancer, but if I continue to use the cancer sticks, I'm sealing the deal that they will, at some point, hear those words.

I will be getting active again on the blog. Life is starting to get back to "normal" as far as daily routines.

Soon I will also have more than just updates and weigh ins. There is so much more to write about than just the progress, so more to come, friends. More to come.

Week 64 - Weigh In

I really haven't been MIA, although it's been two weeks since I posted. My family just went through a major change - we moved! It was a quick move, somewhat sudden, and was certainly bittersweet due to the circumstances behind it - but it is absolutely for the best and we are very thankful for the many blessings we have.

We moved all last weekend and by Sunday morning, while I had the best of intentions to go to my meeting, my body hurt like I had been run over by a truck. So, I missed my meeting. This morning however, I was up before 6:30, arrived at my meeting before 7:30 and was ready to jump on that scale!

Granted it's been two weeks since a weigh in but my loss was 5.6lbs! Yes! Woohoo! I made it through a stressful move and still lost weight! I've nearly caught back up to where I was when I fell off the wagon, HARD. Only about four more pounds to go until I start seeing new numbers on the scale. I'm so excited!

This week we are stocked up on fresh fruits and veggies. I'm getting ready to go prepare lunches for tomorrow. It's going to be a fantastic week!

How have all of you been?

Week 46 - Weigh In

All I really can say is Wow! Weigh in this morning was amazing - I lost 3.4lbs! This is amazing after having such a rough week. I can't explain it and you know what, it doesn't really matter. I'm thrilled! There is nothing more motivating than a nice loss.

Several weeks ago I hit my 50 pound goal. However, I had not been able to find my key-chain to take a photo of all my milestone charms together. In fact, I never did find it. My wonderful Weight Watcher's leader replaced it at today's meeting. I'm so thankful to have it back again. It's funny how these little things mean so much, but they do.

Since today's weigh in brought me back over my 50lb milestone, with a total of 53.2lbs lost I think the timing is just perfect!

My week of accountability (part 2) starts today! I'll be posting my food tracker each day this week. Please join me!

This is really going to be a fantastic week. I'm back and I feel great!

Week 33 - Weigh In - Second Goal Achieved!!!

This week was the week! I did it! I not only hit my 50lbs gone, I exceeded it! I lost 2.6lbs this week, making my total loss 51lbs. I've set my next goal which is another 26lbs. It will be a huge milestone for me as I will be able to bid the 300's goodbye and see the 200's for the first time in probably 14 years! Yes, friends, I've been over 300lbs for close to a decade and a half! I will take another photo today, while I don't think there will be a huge difference between this picture and my last, it's a milestone and it feels like one I should mark with another before and after photo.

Quick Stats:
This week's weight loss - 2.6lbs
Total loss - 51lbs
Next goal - 77lbs

Heavy

I watched the first episode of A&E's series "Heavy" which is about morbidly obese individuals changing their lives and being followed for the first six months. My fear from the commercials is that it would be another "The Biggest Loser" type show, and most readers know my thoughts on that little nugget of television entertainment.  After watching the first show, I must say I'm pleasantly surprised! It is much more like "Intervention" than "The Biggest Loser."

This first show followed John and Jodi. Both are individuals I can certainly relate. John started the show well over 600lbs, Jodi at 367lbs. The first thing that jumped out at me is I was heavier than Jodi when I started my journey!

This show addresses the fact that battling and recovering from food addiction is much like drug addiction and it is refreshing to see that aspect exposed. It addresses many of the issues that are not addressed in the current pop culture diet craze. I appreciate that a television show is talking about these issues without degrading the individuals they are showing. Yes, there is some tough love provided by the trainers, but there wasn't anything belittling or degrading, which is one of the things that has bothered me about "The Biggest Loser." Also, in contrast, it is not about competition and I love that! Losing weight is not about losing more than another person on a similar journey. It's personal. To only reinforce how personal it is, there isn't a giant stage, huge weight displays - it's just a more intimate approach to telling the story of weight loss for the super obese. I love it!

I'm excited to watch this series. It's so uplifting to see these individuals fight to gain control over their lives. I see myself in some of them and that makes me feel good. I do think a personal trainer needs to be in the plan for the near future. I need someone to push me, teach me to do more than just walk. While walking is a fantastic exercise that I will continue to do, I need to start adding to my muscles, letting them burn calories for me and really take this weight loss to the next step. I think I'm ready.

Have you watched this series? What did you think?

I hurt myself today

Paul Mason, pictured at nearly 1,000 pounds.

I ran on to an article while surfing around Facebook today and it really made me think about some of the things I've already said on this blog. I don't proclaim to be an expert on this subject and I certainly don't hold a degree in psychology; however, I believe there is much more than just "I want to eat too much" driving the compulsive eater to binge. Treatment for this disorder is more complex than just "eat this" and "do that." I believe Paul Mason is saying the same thing.

Below is a summary of the article with a link to read the full story.

The world's fattest man wants to fight obesity: with a lawsuit.

Paul Mason, who once weighed almost 1,000 pounds, is blaming the NHS (Britain's public health system) for sending him to dietitians who merely told him to lose weight -- but didn't identify his problem as an eating disorder, British newspaper the Sun reported.

The former postal worker told the Sun that when he went to the NHS for help with his eating as early as 1996, he was told to "ride your bike more."

Read more: Paul Mason, once the world's fattest man, suing NHS for not helping him sufficiently with obesity 

I think what I found most shocking, or perhaps not shocking at all based upon my own personal experience as an obese person, was the lack of compassion and understanding about this disorder. In our society (said broadly to incompass most of the western world) food addiction is looked upon as just gluttonous behavior. We seem to have a better understanding about other substance abuse issues like alcoholism and drug abuse but lack knowledge when it comes to food abuse. In turn, which is the point Mr. Mason is trying to make, doctors are not offering viable and helpful solutions to the obesity problem.

His doctor's "ride your bike more" solution is equally as insufficient as Nancy Reagan's "just say no" anti-drug campaign of the 1980's and early 90's. While there is a possibility that his motives rest with monetary gain, I'm hoping the true motive is to do just as he says and that is raise awareness about an issue that is eating at (pun intended) at least 400 million adults as estimated by the World Health Organization. This is not a little issue! Yet, doctors are offering very little support when comparing this addiction to others like it.

Now, mind you, I do not proclaim to believe that every person packing on a few extra pounds in that 400 million statistic has a food addiction nor an eating disorder. Someone who overindulges slightly, gains a few extra pounds but for the most part does not have an unhealthy relationship with food, is more than likely not a food addict. Certainly advice to just get a little more active and try watching what they eat would be acceptable. This is much like asking someone who is not an alcoholic, who may drink more than the recommended 7 or 8 drinks per week to just cut back a little. However, one would not tell a raging alcoholic, who consumes a case of beer per day, to just stop drinking and feel that was adequate enough advice to curb the abusive behavior. This is the equivalent of what Mr. Mason's doctors did with him for years. Offering little to no true solutions for someone who has a disorder of this magnitude.

Our society has advanced greatly with acknowledging the importance of mental health and we've made great strides in the treatment of substance abuse. Absolutely there is an element of personal responsibility; but I think in our time it is a well known fact that most addicts need the support and resources of others to finally get the monkey off their backs.  This is where Mr. Mason's doctors failed.

From the sense of awareness, I applaud Mr. Mason for his efforts to bring this issue to the forefront of his government health care system. Unfortunately, based upon the public opinion, I'm not sure how successful he will be. It is going to take many of us to build a network of support and compassion. Perhaps one day, as an RN, I will be able to bring these issues to light within the system. For now, I'll just keep on writing.


Now, a look into a substance abuser's mind. Listen to the lyrics and grasp the cyclical self-torment. Not to be overly dramatic but eating disorders are a form of self abuse and self hate, which isn't too far away from the actions of the heroin addict.

The dangers of fad diets

As we draw near to the close of this year and the start of another, many people will be making new year's resolutions. "Diet" season begins! Unfortunately, many will seek self improvement using tools that will not create sustainable weight loss but also place their health in great danger.

We've all heard of these diets. We've all had friends and family use these diets to get their weight off and they often succeed, only to be back to their starting weight within a few months of going off the diet, the pills or the supplements. Why? Because they only changed their behavior temporarily, to a behavior that wasn't something they could do every day, the rest of their lives.  These diets don't work. They aren't healthy.

Below are a few tips when seeking a weight loss solution:

1. If the plan bans one of the necessary food groups, it's not healthy. Protein, carbohydrates and fat are all necessary macromolecules in our diet. Our bodies use protein for cellular processes that require active transport. Additionally, our bodies can convert proteins to glucose (our body's fuel) but it takes much more energy to do so. Speaking of energy, carbohydrates are essential for our body's energy. Without carbohydrates our brain cannot function. Fats are necessary to maintain cushion around major organs. Did you know the heart is encased in a thick layer of fat? Without that layer of fat the heart can actually be injured from hitting the walls of the chest. This is fatal. (Think about those that suffer anorexia and bulimia, once their percentage of body fat is too low they often die of heart failure.)  Certainly, the American diet consists of too much of ALL THREE macromolecules. If one goes on a diet that deprives the body of one of the three - yes, weight will be lost, but is it sustainable? Can you live the rest of your life without ever eating carbohydrates (the main fad right now)? The answer is probably not and if you do, you may suffer long term malnutrition as a result.  Balance really is the best route - a well balanced diet full of good carbohydrates, lean proteins and healthy fats.

2. Diet pills are a red flag! If you have to take a pill to suppress your appetite, you may be causing long term damage to your heart, liver, kidneys and other vital organs. Is that really healthier? We have seen over the last decade diet pills come and go. We've seen people die of heart attacks from stimulants. We've seen people die of liver failure, kidney failure, all for the quest to be thinner. It can be done without pills. It actually goes back to #1. If the diet is balanced and healthy, you can change your lifestyle to healthy eating and NOT be hungry.

3. Supplements. If the diet you are looking at requires a handful of vitamins and "natural supplements" - it's not a healthy diet. I know this is all the rage right now, all those vitamins and nutrients packed into one little capsule, swallowed down with a nice glass of water.  The fact is our body's do not absorb these vitamins as well if they are processed and in a pill form. Certainly, a good multivitamin is recommended. There are some health conditions that require additional vitamin supplements. However, the average person can glean all their essential vitamins and nutrients from FOOD in a (yes, broken record time) well balanced diet.

4. Shakes. We've all seen these diets, they've been around for years. Drink a shake for a couple meals per day and you'll lose weight. Certainly, some weight is lost. However, again, can you really live the rest of your life drinking your meals?  I know I can't!  These nutritional shakes are great for those that are unable to swallow, have a feeding tube or some other health condition (typically GI related) that require already processed nutrients. However, shakes are not ideal for health. 

5. Fasts. Now I'm not speaking of religious fasting, but that which requires an individual to cleanse their body for weight loss or health. Cleansing/fasting really only causes a lot of bathroom time and dehydration. Sure, weight is lost, but it's water weight! Every cell in our body is not only bathed in water, but full of water. When pills or other fluids are taken to cause a "cleansing" effect on the colon, all it does is cause your body to dump much of the water bathing and filling the body's cells. This depletes the body of essential electrolytes, nutrients and fluids.  The best way to cleanse the colon is to eat a high fiber diet. The ruffage going through the lower GI tract actually scrubs the walls of the intestines taking with it cholesterol, bacteria and other residue. However, with the "low carb/no carb" craze, fiber is often overlooked - it's found on the food label under Carbohydrates.

When seeking a weight loss solution, consider those that maintain balance. It really is a more livable plan.  Also, don't look at it as a temporary fix - to maintain a healthy weight one must maintain a healthy diet - period. Dieting for a set period of time to take off the weight and then going back to old habits is not only detrimental to weight loss but also healthy. Seek a healthy solution, change your life and be healthy!

The point is not to have the smallest waist, but to have the best running machine.  A car can have a fabulous paint job but the engine can still run like crap.  ;)

Week 20 - Weigh In - 1st Goal Achieved!

I did it! I made it to my first goal of 37lbs which was 10% of my starting weight.  Today's weight in was a loss of 2.2lbs, making my total lost 38.6lbs since May 25th, the day I started Weight Watchers.

As a result, I received my 10% key chain which now holds all of my milestone charms received thus far (25lbs, 16 weeks and 1st 5K). I love the fact that they give these charms!  My next charm should be at the 50lbs lost mark - which just may be my next goal.  It will be a pretty quick one to reach and since it has a charm attached to it, it might be nice to have just a little "mini-goal" to have in front of my through the holiday season.

My next major goal is 299lbs. It only makes sense as that will be a huge accomplishment for me - I honestly haven't seen the 200's since high school and I'm really excited to revisit them!

Below is a copy of my tracker from my Weight Watchers etools.  I really love looking at the trending line over the last 20 weeks.  Here's to another 20 more great weeks to a healthy new me!!

Quick Stats:
Starting Weight: 376.8lbs
1st Goal Weight: 339lbs
Current Weight: 338.2lbs
This Week's Loss: 2.2lbs
Total Weight Loss: 38.6lbs

Blip Buster Weeks

What the heck is a "blip buster week?" Well, it's the term I use for the week following a small (or not so small) gain.

Above is my Weight Watchers tracking chart, a great visual of what has taken place over the last 14 weeks. Of course, my "goal weight" is my 10% weight loss and not my ultimate goal weight, but it is far easier to celebrate these major milestones rather than wait until I finally get to the 140lbs I'm shooting for.

Following each of the weeks that I had a blip - I had a blip buster week. These are weeks that I saw substantial loss and continued to trend downward after putting on a small gain. Now, perhaps this is because the gain woke me up from straying slightly off program. Maybe I didn't drink enough water for a few days and I began to retain water, maybe I had started eyeballing portions rather than getting the measuring spoons or food scale out, perhaps it was just luck of the draw and the mitochondria in my muscles didn't produce the same amount of ATP making my body metabolize slower and hold on to more glycogen, storing it as body fat (why yes, I am an A&P student); whatever the reason, those weeks can and should be used as a motivation. Life happens, man. We have to flex. We have to move forward. From here on, I refuse to get down if I see a blip. In fact, I plan to get excited, because you better believe the scale the following week is going to be unbelievable!

These little dots on the grid are mere dots. One dot, without those around it, is meaningless. Weight loss is movement, the dot, the single weigh in, is stagnant. Focus on the movement, focus on the many dots and look forward to your blip buster weeks!

So, for those on this same journey, walking these same roads; embrace your blips and look forward to the bust, as it is often those weeks following a gain that you have the most to celebrate.

Today is the First Day of the Rest of My Life

For years I've struggled with my weight. It's been a torment. It's been painful. It's been limiting. I look back at the last 33 years (well, really 30, I don't remember anything before the age of 3) and much of it has been filled with pain from obesity.

My first memories of school are of name calling. Shopping as an overweight child in the 80's was filled with embarrassment - nothing cute ever fit and often my mother made my clothes. Of course, homemade clothes were never cool, so that was only another source of amusement for my classmates. The first pair of blue jeans I remember having was a pair of boys husky jeans. What six year old girl wants to wear boys husky jeans? None. I can tell you that.

Middle school and high school weren't any better. I was the butt of most jokes. I came home many days in tears. Boys don't like fat girls. Fat girls don't go to dances. Fat girls don't hang with the "in crowd" but fat girls know all too well the feeling of rejection.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not lying on my bed in a fetal position, rocking back and forth completely void of living a functional life. I'm happily married, the mother to three absolutely beautiful children (that thankfully, do not have weight issues) and for the most part my life is pretty "normal" - well, as normal as it can be for us, anyway.

Last week I had reality check. I'm currently enrolled in school (or I should say, was enrolled for summer classes) and was taking a course which required a lab coat. I ordered a large, plus sized lab coat online. I order most clothing online as it's nearly impossible to just walk into a store and purchase clothing to cover this extremely large body. When my lab coat arrived, the day I was scheduled to have it in my lab, it didn't fit. It wouldn't button. Well, correction, the top button would button, but it was pulling and the rest of the buttons wouldn't even come remotely close to the opposing holes. Ultimately, I had to drop my class.

My weight has been, well, weighing on me heavily for a long time. I'm a nursing major. How many morbidly obese nurses do you see running around a hospital? How many are physically able to save a life, give CPR, assist in a code? Hmmm, not many. How many patients take a morbidly obese nurse seriously when she advocates for their good health? Hmmm, not many. If I wish to become a nurse, if I wish to be around for my children, if I wish to take care of my husband who has a disabling disease - I MUST get my weight under control.

So, today, I'm doing it. I did it. I attended a Weight Watchers meeting for the first time in years. I'm so excited about what I'm about to embark on. For years I've struggled. For years I've walked around in this body that is a self induced prison. My weight has stopped me from doing so many things and I'm simply not going to allow it to stop me anymore. I'm stopping it!

Tonight, I weighed in.

I'm like many people with weight issues. I'm extremely sensitive about my weight. I'm not sure why, it's not like everyone that looks at me can't see I'm fat, I mean really, it's not like I can easily hide the extra 200lbs I carry around on my body. But, nonetheless, I'm sensitive about it and always have been.

Part of this journey I'm starting is to stop lying to myself. I have to admit I have a problem and then and only then I can begin to fix it.

I have a problem. There, I said it. I HAVE A PROBLEM!

Ok, back to weigh in. Tonight, I stepped on the scales and weighed in at 376.8 pounds. It pains me to even put that into words. But, the purpose of this blog is to share my experiences, hold myself accountable and have a journal of my daily trials. Without having that number included, my story really isn't told.

My first goal is set at a weight loss of 5%. That means I will hit my first goal when I hit 358 pounds. Each Tuesday, I'll post my weight loss.

Tonight, I feel empowered. I feel as though I can do this and I will do it this time! After my meeting I stopped by the grocery store and purchased a few items to get me started, fresh veggies, fresh fruits, healthy snacks, etc. The key is to stay prepared with healthy foods to eat which in turn, keeps you away from the bad stuff. That is exactly what I plan to do!

Tomorrow morning I am going to get up early, walk my treadmill for 15 minutes and then start my day. On the shopping list tomorrow night? New walking shoes, a pedometer and a heart rate monitor.

Until then my friends. . .stay on program!